Thursday, July 29, 2010

#55 Confessions...


I have commitment issues.

As you can probably tell, this is one of those posts that is somewhat topical, mostly personal. Consider yourself warned!












It's sad but true, & whilst very thankfully they do not extend to my beloved Mr N & our upcoming nuptials or indeed any person/relationship in my life, they effect pretty much everything else.
I just can't seem to finish the things I start? In the beginning I'm so motivated & full of ideas & enthusiasm but inevitably this slows to a trudging apathy before I give up all together.
Sometimes, The motivation part fails to even make it past the talking about it stage...

At times I think perhaps I'm just yet to find the thing that I'm truly supposed to be doing, the thing I'm 'meant' to do, & more often than that I think that I'm just a lazy person.
But, I think the truth of the matter is far more clich├ęd than either of those reasons...
In all honesty, I am totally petrified.
Scared that I'll put all of myself into something & I still won't be happy. Or worse, that I'll try my hardest & I will fail, & perhaps I would rather imagine that I could be good at something if I tried instead of trying, failing, & knowing I did.
How textbook obvious can you be? Ha.
Sometimes I try not to tell people when I decide to do things, just so they won't know when I back out & label me (rightly so) flaky.

Anyhow, relevance?
I was thinking yesterday that I feel like this blog is pointless. That if it were in connection to a business that it would serve some purpose & I would feel validated in continuing with it.
Or more importantly, feel more validated in spending the time I could be spending on other things, doing this?
I'm still thinking that, but in addition to that, today I'm thinking that I don't want to be a flaky person who doesn't finish what I start. That I don't want to be seen as a flaky person either - even by people who don't 'know' me!
I want to make the commitment to myself to see something through...
And that surely this is a good a place as any to start?

Cx


2 comments:

  1. C

    I completely relate!!
    You are not the only one to have many ideas and then feel like you are lazy or whatever when you don't follow them through! I to have done this my whole life up til NOW!

    I never had the motivation to prove ME to myself but as I am about to become a mum i wanted to have at least ONE idea done, i guess to show my kids - kids are like the BIGGEST commitment of all, a 24/7 commitement you CAN'T back out of - so cudos you already have that one nailed!!

    How did I finish my project? - I did it by involving someone I admire. He has high expectations and I would hate to let him down - I wrote a book and he is editting it for me and because of all that it gave me a deadline, the book is written, he's currently editting and i hope to have the book printed before baby is born....

    YOU WILL FINISH THIS - you too have a deadline, your wedding!!

    SO If you would like someone to keep you on track - let ME know - for weddings, its what i do...as for the blog....

    YOU WILL FINISH THIS - this blog must be a passion of yours otherwise you wouldn't have started it, you wouldn't have gotten this far and you wouldn't have made it LOOK this good.

    You never know what doors your blog is going to open for you - keep it up, nothing that doesn't make you UNHAPPY is a waste of time.

    xxx Michelle Brodie xxx

    PS I challenge you to prove YOU to yourself and continue blogging til the day before your wedding day!

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  2. Michelle I am completely blown away by your response.
    Seriously, I am so incredibly touched that you would take the time to write all these lovely inspiring things!

    It's such a relief to hear not only that others struggle with the same thing & can relate, but that they are successful in overcoming those fears.
    I'm very curious to know more about this book?!
    And a huuuuuge CONGRATULATIONS to you for finishing your project!!!

    Also, congratulations on your bubba :) They really are a whole new world those little ones!

    Regarding deadlines, that's what I was thinking too, that i will commit to my blog (this one) until I have posted all the details of my own wedding - once we are wed.

    Would I like someone to keep me on track? Would I like a fairy godmother? Would I like a never ending bag of white chocolate raspberries?
    WOULD I EVER! hehe

    You're right, I do love it. And when It's full of beautiful things I do feel happy.
    PLUS I can control it, & that's nice too!

    A study in commitment & Patience.

    One million thank you's for being such a sweetheart, it means the world.

    C x

    p.s I accept your challenge!

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