I have commitment issues.
As you can probably tell, this is one of those posts that is somewhat topical, mostly personal. Consider yourself warned!
It's sad but true, & whilst very thankfully they do not extend to my beloved Mr N & our upcoming nuptials or indeed any person/relationship in my life, they effect pretty much everything else.
I just can't seem to finish the things I start? In the beginning I'm so motivated & full of ideas & enthusiasm but inevitably this slows to a trudging apathy before I give up all together.
Sometimes, The motivation part fails to even make it past the talking about it stage...
At times I think perhaps I'm just yet to find the thing that I'm truly supposed to be doing, the thing I'm 'meant' to do, & more often than that I think that I'm just a lazy person.
But, I think the truth of the matter is far more clichéd than either of those reasons...
In all honesty, I am totally petrified.
Scared that I'll put all of myself into something & I still won't be happy. Or worse, that I'll try my hardest & I will fail, & perhaps I would rather imagine that I could be good at something if I tried instead of trying, failing, & knowing I did.
How textbook obvious can you be? Ha.
Sometimes I try not to tell people when I decide to do things, just so they won't know when I back out & label me (rightly so) flaky.
I was thinking yesterday that I feel like this blog is pointless. That if it were in connection to a business that it would serve some purpose & I would feel validated in continuing with it.
Or more importantly, feel more validated in spending the time I could be spending on other things, doing this?
I'm still thinking that, but in addition to that, today I'm thinking that I don't want to be a flaky person who doesn't finish what I start. That I don't want to be seen as a flaky person either - even by people who don't 'know' me!
I want to make the commitment to myself to see something through...
And that surely this is a good a place as any to start?