# 96 When to let it go

I recently read a post on the blog slow love life ' a lost friend leaves an empty chair'.

It really struck a cord with me, I thought I'd share a little...

"Sometimes you have to get divorced from friends, just like you have to get divorced from spouses. Sometimes that is the more loving thing to do--it means you are protecting yourself, and removing toxic energy from your life. Sometimes you just need a separation, while each person cools, and grows. Some friendships evolve as your life changes; others hit the wall. It is a painful rupture, not entered into lightly. It doesn’t mean the friendship was wrong to begin with--it means it has reached an impasse, or died. It certainly feels like a death; there is an empty space where there once was someone sitting in a chair, chatting and laughing. So be it. We become more cautious about giving our hearts wing, as we get older, because we are aware of the potential for loss, and anticipate its heavy burden."

image via sunday supper

I love this part of the Auden poem "the more loving one'...

How should we like it were stars to burn

With a passion for us we could not return?

If equal affection cannot be,

Let the more loving one be me.

And here's the rest over at slow love life.

Cx

#89 Dress Lovin'

I've had quite the blog browsing day today, & am nicely chuffed to have found a few exceptionally fabulous new reads.

Amongst them is the wonderful Marvelous Kiddo, on which I spied this delight...

custom gown by leanne.m

C x

#65 The Little Comment That Could

The lovely Lili Lutu of Lily Lutu Jewelry commented on my last post, & I started to respond to her comment but it kept growing & growing & it was getting a little silly. I also thought some really good points were raised by Lili's comment so I thought this would be easier!

Here is the comment in case you didn't see it...

I think we've all experienced what you've talking about - and I agree with all of it. I've also come to believe over the years, however, that the reason I don't share who I really am with everyone, is because not everyone deserves to know who I really am. Our experiences make us who we are - and quite a few of the bad experiences have been forged by other people. It isn't always the case, but I am sure you know what I mean. So we learn as much about others as we do about ourselves as we tread life's path - and I think we come to recognise who we want to share with and who we don't. And I am not being pessimistic or dramatic. It's just a life skill that we pick up along the way. Or should. Too many people never do, sadly. Doesn't mean you should cut people off. Just means you need to be prudent about wearing your heart on your sleeve and sharing your life with every Tom, Dick, and Harry.

I love this blog! Have I told you lately?

Very well said I think? Yes, I know what you mean.

I don't think that sounds either pessimistic or dramatic at all.

I am of the opinion that there's nothing you can learn about others that is not something you are learning about yourself.

For example, personally I have found that if someone does something that annoys me, or acts in a way that i dislike, it is because it is a part of my own personality that I dislike, or that perhaps I have acted that way in the past.

I feel that there is no judgement you can cast upon another without looking inward & finding a personal lesson & I think you attract people into your life who if you are paying attention - which lets not sugar coat it, is pretty tiring at times! - will provide you with the things you need to hear & the things you need to see in order to continue to grow as a person.

Your comment about whether people deserve to see who you really are reminded me of realisation I had years ago when I was still dating.

That was that even though my family obviously wanted to meet anyone who I went on even one date with (not that they did), that I owed it to them to make sure that whoever it was, was worthy of meeting them.

It seemed like such an obvious thing & yet it had somehow never occurred to me.

The next person that met them was Mr N.

So I guess in 'protecting' them, my responsibility to myself got addressed along the way!

Thanks Lili, so lovely to know you're enjoying the blog & I'm so appreciative that you take the time to comment :)

Thanks for making me think!

I know this chatter is not particularly 'wedding-y' in the traditional wedding blog sense but I truly believe that one of the most important things in a relationship is being able to support each other in continuing to grow & become the best people you can each be, & since a marriage is what a wedding is all about...

My All ForEver After.

C x

#64 Pleased To 'Meet' You

It's a funny kind of experience this blogging caper?

In many ways it feels the same as making a new friend.

Although most people wouldn't guess it to meet me, & in fact people that I have had a conversation with in regard to it didn't actually believe me, I am incredibly shy.

I think the reason people don't believe me is that I'm not exactly quiet, I probably talk way too much in fact (Probably???).

So I guess I do a good job of hiding it any way... Even if it doesn't feel like it!

Also, the more it matters to me what someone thinks of me, the more I tease them. This is a terrible habit I've tried to break with as yet no success.

I honestly am inwardly cringing quite constantly through the entirety of just about any conversation I have. Ever.

In some ways I find it easy to 'let people in' but I have come to realise that although I perhaps make a show of doing so in that I quite constantly tell my friends & family (with complete truthfulness might I add) how much I value them & how much I love them, realistically, there is maybe 3 people who actually know me.

I'm not imagining for a second that this is something that only I do. I know a lot of people do the same thing (if not everyone?), I find as it's something I am so aware of doing that I find it quite easy to recognize when others are doing it too.

It is a strange thing that we would protect ourselves & build walls against something as wonderful as friendship & genuine human connection but so very understandable at the same time?

There is a quote that I first read when I was about 14(?) that has always stayed with me although I don't know who it is by...

" To reveal myself openly & honestly, takes the rawest kind of courage.

If I expose my nakedness as a person to you, do not make me feel shame.

Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?

I am afraid to tell you who I am, because, if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am... & it is all I have. "

Quite a sad thing that I have yet to move on from something that as a teenager I recognized as something that could be improved upon, but I guess that sometimes the most obvious & day to day lessons are the hardest to learn.

While I was trying to find that quote in order to check that I was remembering it correctly (that took a fair bit of burrowing through old journals!) I came across this one as well...

"Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book shown to him by heart, and his friends can only read the title." ~Virginia Woolf

Which I think raises another point, that it is incredibly hard for anyone to understand why you are who you are & what experiences brought you to this point.

Just as hard can be the acknowledging & recounting of these experiences which I suppose is a large part of the reason it is not so often done.

Sometimes, it can also be difficult to hear of other's journeys, most especially when it has been through hardship or pain, & be able to somewhat separate your feelings of your own past & feel confident that purely be being witness through the retelling of what has been (or what is) that you are supporting them & validating their feelings...

But I've gone off on a little tangent here.

What I am ever so slowly getting around to saying is, that it is an interesting thing to be settling in to this blog. To be watching it slowly form as an odd kind of friendship in which I gradually become more comfortable in letting pieces of who I am sneak their way in...

Thank you for being my witnesses. I appreciate you.

C x

#55 Confessions...

I have commitment issues.

As you can probably tell, this is one of those posts that is somewhat topical, mostly personal. Consider yourself warned!

It's sad but true, & whilst very thankfully they do not extend to my beloved Mr N & our upcoming nuptials or indeed any person/relationship in my life, they effect pretty much everything else.

I just can't seem to finish the things I start? In the beginning I'm so motivated & full of ideas & enthusiasm but inevitably this slows to a trudging apathy before I give up all together.

Sometimes, The motivation part fails to even make it past the talking about it stage...

At times I think perhaps I'm just yet to find the thing that I'm truly supposed to be doing, the thing I'm 'meant' to do, & more often than that I think that I'm just a lazy person.

But, I think the truth of the matter is far more clichéd than either of those reasons...

In all honesty, I am totally petrified.

Scared that I'll put all of myself into something & I still won't be happy. Or worse, that I'll try my hardest & I will fail, & perhaps I would rather imagine that I could be good at something if I tried instead of trying, failing, & knowing I did.

How textbook obvious can you be? Ha.

Sometimes I try not to tell people when I decide to do things, just so they won't know when I back out & label me (rightly so) flaky.

Anyhow, relevance?

I was thinking yesterday that I feel like this blog is pointless. That if it were in connection to a business that it would serve some purpose & I would feel validated in continuing with it.

Or more importantly, feel more validated in spending the time I could be spending on other things, doing this?

I'm still thinking that, but in addition to that, today I'm thinking that I don't want to be a flaky person who doesn't finish what I start. That I don't want to be seen as a flaky person either - even by people who don't 'know' me!

I want to make the commitment to myself to see something through...

And that surely this is a good a place as any to start?

Cx