#110 Planning Blues

I was speaking to a bride to be recently who is struggling with feeling alone in the wedding planning process.
She felt that her excitement about the amazing day she is preparing is ostracizing her from her friends & it is (understandably) upsetting her that they are disinterested & mocking her excitement, quite openly.
I felt so sad for her, & even more so that she felt so alone in those emotions.
Even as she spoke to me she was apologising for sharing her feelings, & I'm not even sure she noticed.

I'm not sure that there is anyone who doesn't feel these things (among so many other things of course) when they are planning a wedding.
Not everyone has family or friends close by, & even if they do, not everyone has family or friends who are necessarily able &/or willing to help.
Certainly I have heard peoples experiences of these emotions echoed again & again.
Wedding planning is not, in my experience nor of anyone I have spoken to,  the shiny picture presented to us that is comprised entirely of bridal showers, hen's nights & trying on perfect wedding dresses with all your girlfriends while sipping champagne as your mother looks on & dabs away tears of pride.

Image by John Michael Cooper

(Ironically & somewhat amusingly, when I was looking for the an image to accompany this post, one search I tried was 'lonely wedding planning'... Google auto corrected my search to 'lovely' wedding planning )

There is an absolutely HUGE amount of pressure that begins the moment you say 'yes'.
Obviously there is the 'to do' list - venue, photographer, flowers, invitations (etc, the list is so much longer than you realise?), but in addition to that there are the expectations of family & of friends which can be incredibly overwhelming not to mention conflicting! The stress of budgeting - regardless of whether that budget is $1000 or $100,000, the relatively short period of time to learn about traditions & an industry that most people know nothing about before hand, & so on...
Oh & did I mention marriage? That maybe you might have some feelings about that?
That you will have to face your partners expectations too? Lets not even mention your own expectations?
It is a truly delicate balancing act that you can but hope will stay in the air & somehow come together on the day... & then last the rest of your life.
Lucky you have had so much practice yeah? Oh wait...
Mmm.... Sounds fun?

I think that weddings & marriage, like so many other things in life, are something that you may think you understand on paper but in actual fact you can never truly understand all the emotions that come with them until you have experienced it yourself.
Unfortunately that leaves a lot of people feeling very alone, at a time that society has conditioned us to believe that we should be our happiest.
Heaven forbid you should be so bold as to try & express that & be labeled a 'bridezilla'.

In so many ways I find it very easy to see how people become caught up in the superficialities of a wedding. Outside pressures aside, it is quite an effective way of avoiding deeper (dare i say) issues that come up during what can for many, be a very testing time. The superficial details are the ones you can control. Well, sometimes anyway.

I also wonder if this is one of those things when instead of supporting each other & validating what others are experiencing, the people who do understand & could be there for each other are too busy comparing themselves & their choices, basically competing?

Among all the things to do & trying to keep everyone else happy, don't neglect yourself.
No, I'm not talking about getting a gym membership to tone up your arms.
If you need help ask for it. If you are feeling alone, tell someone. And keep talking until you find someone who can support you through the downs, AND share in the highs!
And if you are in a position to, be there for someone.
Even if you don't quite get it.

Cx

#102 Doors

Weddings are amazing. Stating the obvious. Right?
Weddings are also hard work, stressful at times & involve a lot of heightened emotions. Not just your own emotions but of those around you.
I absolutely loved planning our wedding, but there were times when trying to find the things I wanted or in less inspired moments just plain anything that wasn't cookie 'this-is-the-kind-of-weddingness-that-every-wedding-should-be' cutter felt ridiculously hard.
I'm thankful for that frustration though, because it led to a lot of late nights & a lot of hard work.
The discovery of so many amazing artists, suppliers & service providers.
And most importantly, to our wedding being so fun, so meaningful, & so us.

I think there's a very fake representation of 'us' within the wedding industry.
It goes a bit like this.
"Here at blah-blah weddings, we're all about making YOUR wedding day all about YOU, making it PERSONAL & THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!! That's why we offer you OPTIONS!!!
Now, you can choose from white, ivory, cream, off white OR white with stick on plastic diamonds.
Each option will ONLY cost you your yearly wage, except the bedazzled option which will cost you your home deposit. But you only get married ONCE after all, & you don't want to REGRET anything & it's important you make it all about YOU!!!"
And suddenly even though you don't like any of the options in the slightest, the price tags are making you feel woozy & you're quite worried about the welfare of the hot glue gun equipped child somewhere in the 3rd world... You start feeling defeated.  Is this really the choice??? Is this really YOU?
No thank you.

Have the confidence to trust in choices that reflect the truths of who you both are,  & not who you are seemingly expected to become for that one day. Your guests - the people you love, will appreciate it. I promise.

I was very relaxed on the day. I think this was surprising for a lot of people that had seen me planning, but that was the point. The more work you put in beforehand, the easier it is to relax when you take your hands of the reins.
I was so incredibly happy with how everything came together - exactly as it had in my head. Which is a beautiful thing to be able to say!
If I were to change anything, there's only really one thing that it would come down to, & that would have been to have a coordinator on the day.
The few things that didn't quite work as well as I had hoped - & this is certainly not anything extreme! - would have all been very easily solved if there had been someone to take care of them. I identified them at the time but I wasn't willing to swap from blissed out to get things done mode, which was definitely a right decision! Little things like Mr N arriving a tiny bit early & seeing that things weren't as they should be & hustling staff to fix it. Not all the guests making it over to the photo booth I had set up - little things, but things that had there been someone there organising it could have all been taken care of in a snap.

I knew even as the preparations for our own nuptials came to an end that the passion that all this researching & planning had stirred in me, wasn't going to have been magically evaporated the morning after.
That the privilege of helping someone else through the process would be momentous.
That to be able to say to someone 'of course they aren't your only options, what do you actually want? I'll take care of it.' would be so rewarding.
To be able to help make that happen so that the time leading up to their wedding, just as much as the day itself, would be as joyous & as fun as it could possibly be.
That during the times when planning a wedding felt lonely (& trust me when i say that if you don't have any of those times you are exceptionally lucky) that I could be there even just to say' you know what? I understand. It's sucky, but it's also totally normal. Want to talk about it? Or centerpieces?'
It is a wonderful thing to have this opportunity to celebrate - in whatever way you choose- your love for one another & your commitment, among those you love & who love you most.

The fact that it should be about you & not an industry shouldn't even need mentioning.

Sometimes it's undeniable that if you put things out there, doors will start to open.
My hallway is looking pretty exciting right now, these are some good lookin' doors!
Feeling very excited.... very blessed...
A huge thank you to the gorgeous people behind those doors, who are inviting me into their lives to be a small part of one of the most special moments imaginable.

I am just so honoured.

C x

#101 Step One - Wait

And now for a bit of waiting it would seem...
It's hardly a secret but I'm certainly not the most patient person  in the world!
Hopefully it's all worth it.
Ahhh the mystery! Can you stand it!? hehe

I've decided I haven't had enough yet...
I'm not willing to let all the delicious wedding-y knowledge in my head get shoved aside to make space for 'other' things.
You know what this means right?
No, I'm not getting divorced & no, I'm not jumping straight into planning a vow renewal for a year from now.
It means lovely ladies, & possibly gents, that I have to find someone else who will let me plan theirs.

Putting it out there...

C x

p.s Just so you know, it is actually really hard trying to hold off publishing any more photos until we get the professional shots... so many gorgeous photos, our friends are obviously uber talented.
But still, I feel like I'm keeping secrets from you?

#94 Goodbye for a While!

Tomorrow we leave for Adelaide for a wedding, family times & a big hit of wedding planning bonanza.
Eeee! Excitement!!!
We were really hoping that the whole 'crossroads' life situation would be well & truly resolved by now & that perhaps Mr N could stay with us for the whole trip but failing a last minute miracle that is definitely not on the cards. So it seems it will most likely be one week with Mr N, one without, which is disappointing but at least he's managing to get away for some of the time!

Super excited for the whole trip, obviously the wedding will be fantastic & it will be awesome to catch up with everyone because it feels like aggggggees since we've seen them all, but also because I  feel like this trip is really going to remind us how close our own wedding is & make it feel really real?
Because we've been planning from interstate I think in a way we've kind of bypassed a lot of the moments that would usually ground the whole experience in reality, making phone calls & sending emails just doesn't have the same kind of impact as visiting venues & meeting with people!
So this trip we visit Glen Ewin Estate, OUR wedding venue (Can anyone say YEEHAA!?), I get to have a coffee free coffee date with our delightful photographer Ms Angelsmith, hopefully the whole makeup/hair shenanigan will come together somehow, & we also will meet our caterer for the first time & decide on our menu!
I am super super SUPER excited about meeting with the caterer, I've only spoken to him once (after I booked them?) but I've got a really good feeling...
That's a whole bunch of tangible right there.
I will also (touch wood) be going on a vintage treasure trawl with my brilliant sister outlaw Miss S,
as well as just some general organisation of lots of smaller wedding details while we are in town.

Not to say that a tonne of diy hasn't made things feel like they are actually happening but when diy is as ongoing & i guess 'repetative' as most of mine is, you certainly begin to forget why you're doing it in the first place!

So as we'll be staying with family & friends, not to mention trying to soak up as much holiday feeling as possible while we're gone, it's doubtful I'll go too close to a computer (with the exception of on the guaranteed many times I'll need to use google maps anyway!) .
SO! Stay lovely, I'll be home soon.

C x

#68 The Essence of a Wedding

Wow. Just wow.

You know how there's pregnancy hormones? No I'm not revealing anything, I certainly don't have any of those floating around.

But I've made a discovery.

Wedding hormones. Fact.

How else can you account for my getting sudden cases of the weepies when looking at these beautiful wedding photos by Jonas Peterson?

The wedding of Joost & Kirsty...

As I'm sure anyone who's been there will tell you, when planning a wedding it's easy to get caught up in details.

No matter the intentions you set out with, or whether you swear it won't happen to you, I have a feeling that for everyone there comes a time (at least once) when you need a reminder of what it's all about.

Not venues, nor centrepieces. Not hair styles, nor ties. Not flowers, nor favours.

It isn't about colour schemes, & no, it's not even about the dress.

It's about people. It's about a beautiful & lifelong commitment. It's about LOVE.

Of course right? Of course.

But in the middle of the madness of planning & decisions, this simple honest fact is far too easily swept aside.

This glimpse into a wedding so honest, so beautifully & perfectly simple, so focused on everything that is real & pure & right...

Well I'm humbled.

Goddess.

There is thankfully lots more photos of Joost & Kirsty's wedding on Jonas Peterson's website.

This overwhelming evidence of their love for each other, their love for others, & the love from others for them... .

It's just so palpable.

These photos are perfect.

These moments are perfect.

C x

#41 Dress Ups Take Two - The Result...

In short, disheartening.

Not to mention somewhat alarming?

Via - Nicky Thomas

Here's a quick rundown.

I hate wedding dresses. (Ok this is a lie, because in fact I love a fair few of them, just none that are in any of the shops here, and none on the internet that are within budget.)

It would seem that people who work in bridal shops must first obtain a masters in how best to look down their noses at customers?

It turns out I can't count, and our wedding is 2 months closer than what I was thinking...

I have been informed that when it comes to dresses, you can count December and January out. My Wedding Dress will need to be completely fitted and ready by the end of November before everyone closes up shop.

Mocha is exceptionally good at letting me have a panic attack and making sure I'm laughing enough about it to come out the other side!

But yeah. Officially freaking out that I have been stuck in a wedding rut for so long and am now so far behind in all our preparations ie: Save the Dates, that due to the number of interstate and o/s guests, I wanted to have sent out 4 months ago... AND when I tried to get stuck into them the other day, realised that my plan was a flop and now needs a total rethink? Eek.

Among about a hundred other things...

How did this happen?

Help me universe! Help meeeeeeee!!!

x